BigMan

A new constellation has been born. A star too big even for its large earthly body, has risen from ashes like a phoenix and returned home, continuing to shine as part of our ancient galaxy.

It was in a hotel business center when an urgent notice came to me about Clarence. I was on tour in Europe, and immediately got on a plane to be by his side. Our closeness was no secret to anyone. I loved him. He loved me. A tough loss doesn't even begin to define the shifting paradigm that began in that moment. You see, Clarence was my Santa Clause... an immortal figure that always inspired goodness and hope. He brought joy with him everywhere. And though I was not blind to his short comings as a man, or the frailty that became his body, these were all quickly dismissed by his enormous and inescapable love. Being near to Clarence meant being protected, being accepted; both cared for and cared about.

Having been by his side for several surgeries and procedures, I became comfortable with the understanding that if all else failed and bones broke or organs gave out, My Beloved BigMan would still be here. They were able to replace shattered hips, worn out knees and even put a corrective machine on his heart... they would just keep fixing our (what we had coined) 6 Billion Dollar Man. His final passing has been beyond crushing.

Navigating the troubled waters of his failing health and into his eternal sleep has been trying to say the least. The burden of such a loss is insurmountably deep and heavy. Clarence was more than an uncle to me. He was my Hero. He loved me like a father, we talked as best friends, and played together as brothers. People would often go back and forth about our blood relation, and I've never been one to correct this... he was ALL of these things to me.

It's a strange new world without Clarence. He has given so much through the years, and now we are left with a gaping BigMan sized hole in the universe. Yet, as his gift continues to inspire, and as we all continue to process the vast changes of our reality I again turn to music. It's what I have. It's what he gave me from the first moment of seeing him on stage. It's what he's left me with now, and the closeness and the love he and I shared will always remain captured in a moment through pursed lips on a metal mouthpiece.

Thanks to Bruce, Glen, Eddie and encouragement from several others, I picked up an instrument and found my solace, again in music. From deep inside my lungs, as though blowing life through a hollow chamber, I can still feel him. Finding him in each note, near to me... alive.

People have been saying to me- "It's up to you now", "You carry the torch", "You are the legacy". But this job is not one to be fulfilled by any single person; Clarence was more than a saxophone player, he was an ambassador with a mission to spread Love and Joy to the world. It's up to all of us now. We must all carry the torch. We must all be His Legacy.

The world will continue to change, and the pain will continue to be present. But, today we can bare hope, that the marks he left on us will courage us on to be Bigger. To share the message of love and joy to the world, and to carry each other, even when the stakes are down.

Bruce would often say- "You want to be like him, but you cannot". Clarence said in one of his final memos "I'm here to tell you that you can be. You can be the next BigMan, but it's going to take a lot of work, a lot of determination, and a lot of inspiration... to be the next BigMan"

"In the end, 3 things remain- Faith, Hope, & Love, the greatest of these is Love." Thank you Clarence, for being such a great beacon; such a Big Man. In the very words you would often share so beautifully, I return this message to you- "I love you. The Universe loves you. Be happy." ...May we carry the torch well.

I'm back in NYC after being away for 7 weeks (the longest I'd been away in 3 years). It didn't seem like such a long time at first. Most places I love seem like old friends, no matter how long you're away, we pick up right where we left off. This time was different. I had forgotten about so many nuances that exist here. The sense of the constant party as people are still shuttling through the subway at 3am on a Saturday. The obscure crazy people who stare or shout at you that I somehow stopped noticing before. I even found myself disgusted for the first time in years upon seeing a large rat.. something I was sadly just used to in the past.

I spent Saturday with my Brazilian friends, sitting in on a samba set at a great Brazilian bar that afternoon. The next day was a surprise studio session with great friends! We worked on a song that kicked my butt previously, but this time it was a quick knock out of the park! We then went to our favourite Irish pub and sang and played music till the wee hours.. one of my favourite things to do in the world! Brendan O'Shea was there, Hansard, myself and a few other lovely people.

Good times, into Great times!! Thanks again New York.

What an awesome day!

First off, I love buses. Mind you, any form of travel is awesome, but there’s just something about being on a bus. Today I went to this fairly shady store front in downtown LA and picked up a ticket to ride a bus 6 hours to Phoenix, AZ. It’s my last stop to see my family before I head to Europe for 6 weeks.

When I got to the "bus stop", I had to go inside to make sure this was indeed going to take me to Phoenix. It wasn’t too convincing from the front of the building. When I got inside, the young girl working there didn’t speak any english at all. This put an immediate smile on my face! I was so excited that I was going to get a legitimate adventure out of this, and I didn’t even have to leave the country!

I was very anxious to see what the bus was like. I’m very familiar with the ‘Chinatown’ buses that take you from NYC to Boston for $15, and some can be amazing with nice leather seats and great wifi, and others seem like they’d been hi-jacked by bacteria and you might just find fish heads in the toilet (I know, that was pretty gross.. sorry). When the bus arrived I was extremely excited. It was large, clean, and incredibly spacious. In fact, I think I may have to say it was the nicest bus scenario I’d ever experienced. Huge seats with tons of leg room (even for me!), nice video screens, and the cleanest public bathroom I think I’ve ever seen, let alone on a bus!

Traveling for long periods of time bothers some people, but for me it’s amazing. No interruptions, no where else to be, just several hours to think, write, or watch an American film that’s been overdubbed into spanish! To no surprise the bus eventually stopped at a Mexican restaurant. This too was great! Chances were they wouldn’t stop at a place that wasn’t legit, and this place was indeed that. 2 Tacos al pastor, 1 side of frijol y queso nachos and a large horchata to drink.

A few hours later I was home; still full from a great dinner, and with a good amount of work completed! The next time I’m going between LA and Phoenix, without question, I’m sold! The bus it is..

Like I said… it was an awesome day!