BigMan

A new constellation has been born. A star too big even for its large earthly body, has risen from ashes like a phoenix and returned home, continuing to shine as part of our ancient galaxy.

It was in a hotel business center when an urgent notice came to me about Clarence. I was on tour in Europe, and immediately got on a plane to be by his side. Our closeness was no secret to anyone. I loved him. He loved me. A tough loss doesn't even begin to define the shifting paradigm that began in that moment. You see, Clarence was my Santa Clause... an immortal figure that always inspired goodness and hope. He brought joy with him everywhere. And though I was not blind to his short comings as a man, or the frailty that became his body, these were all quickly dismissed by his enormous and inescapable love. Being near to Clarence meant being protected, being accepted; both cared for and cared about.

Having been by his side for several surgeries and procedures, I became comfortable with the understanding that if all else failed and bones broke or organs gave out, My Beloved BigMan would still be here. They were able to replace shattered hips, worn out knees and even put a corrective machine on his heart... they would just keep fixing our (what we had coined) 6 Billion Dollar Man. His final passing has been beyond crushing.

Navigating the troubled waters of his failing health and into his eternal sleep has been trying to say the least. The burden of such a loss is insurmountably deep and heavy. Clarence was more than an uncle to me. He was my Hero. He loved me like a father, we talked as best friends, and played together as brothers. People would often go back and forth about our blood relation, and I've never been one to correct this... he was ALL of these things to me.

It's a strange new world without Clarence. He has given so much through the years, and now we are left with a gaping BigMan sized hole in the universe. Yet, as his gift continues to inspire, and as we all continue to process the vast changes of our reality I again turn to music. It's what I have. It's what he gave me from the first moment of seeing him on stage. It's what he's left me with now, and the closeness and the love he and I shared will always remain captured in a moment through pursed lips on a metal mouthpiece.

Thanks to Bruce, Glen, Eddie and encouragement from several others, I picked up an instrument and found my solace, again in music. From deep inside my lungs, as though blowing life through a hollow chamber, I can still feel him. Finding him in each note, near to me... alive.

People have been saying to me- "It's up to you now", "You carry the torch", "You are the legacy". But this job is not one to be fulfilled by any single person; Clarence was more than a saxophone player, he was an ambassador with a mission to spread Love and Joy to the world. It's up to all of us now. We must all carry the torch. We must all be His Legacy.

The world will continue to change, and the pain will continue to be present. But, today we can bare hope, that the marks he left on us will courage us on to be Bigger. To share the message of love and joy to the world, and to carry each other, even when the stakes are down.

Bruce would often say- "You want to be like him, but you cannot". Clarence said in one of his final memos "I'm here to tell you that you can be. You can be the next BigMan, but it's going to take a lot of work, a lot of determination, and a lot of inspiration... to be the next BigMan"

"In the end, 3 things remain- Faith, Hope, & Love, the greatest of these is Love." Thank you Clarence, for being such a great beacon; such a Big Man. In the very words you would often share so beautifully, I return this message to you- "I love you. The Universe loves you. Be happy." ...May we carry the torch well.